How to Avoid Prison Rape

Some time ago, I remarked on a comment a now forgotten friend once said to me:

They’ve already broken the social contract. You don’t know what else they’re capable of, so you should just obey what they say and hope it ends quickly.

In that post, I gave some terrible advice on how to avoid being mugged. In the intervening time, I’ve learned to avoid yet another rare, but terrible bodily injury: prison rape. The answer is simple: stop wiping. Nobody wants to play with the smelly kid in the playground. Nobody wants to even touch the crazy person who doesn’t wipe. This isn’t even just violating the social contract– this is violating the personal contract!

Some of you might say this is a high price to pay to avoid even the slight possibility of prison rape. To those of you with this attitude, I’ll see you in the prison courtyard. I’ll be the smelly one people kick around  and generally avoid. You’ll be weeping gently as Bad Bluto dominantly holds you by the neck and puts his thumb in your mouth.

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