Pixel

I’m changing the “Irish Priest.” It used to be Irish whiskey, a drop of holy water, and a cherry. Now I’m replacing holy water with tears.

My map’s right, it’s the real world that’s wrong.

I know I claimed I could dance salsa, but I really meant crump.

It turns out “avada kedavra” is not a good way to test wands.

I just photobombed an ultrasound.

My mom is a trip. She wants to sell pirated PlayStation 1 games to Goodwill.

ACTUAL CONVERSATION: Me: “Today is the shortest day of the year.” Friend: “Then why does it seem so long??” Me: “Because you work nights!”

Guy with jumper cables outside a restaurant: “hey, can you help me out, man?” Me: “I’ll catch you on the way out.”

I lost the beanie my BFF gave me for X-Mas.. And she gave it to me Yesterday! ),:

It’s good that Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is over, but it’s a travesty that they still let left-handed people in the military. #lefthandedracism