Harry Potter, Napoleon Dynamite, Hank Hill, Eliza Thornberry, Peter Griffin, and Dexter. That is all, and most of them are cartoon characters or aimed at little kids. Find me another main character in anything that wears glasses and keeps them…
I’m trying this new only-one-post-a day thing. How’s it working? Update: This post is really just a McGuffin. But enough about that, on to another thing… Look! A Red Herring! Updated Update: As per my implied promise in an implied…
Will the lucky number 1000 please comment? You can check what number visitor you are at the very bottom of this page. I’ll give the person a nice, shiny dollar if they do.
I’m in a class of 21 students right now. We’re dividing into debate teams (of three). Somehow, there are seven complete groups without me. I can’t understand how, in an evenly divisible class, I still ended up being the odd…
I sort of need to figure out who is going to be the next person I pseudo-interview in a column called the “Philosopher’s Stone.” Given the following: Socrates, (Professor Albus Dumbledore),* (A lump of talking Play-Doh), (A future version of…
To all those that would seek to label me: Stop it! It’s annoying! I know it makes you feel fulfilled to not have to worry about my point of view if you think you understand it, but seriously… I am…
This is long, but Oh, so worth it. What rankles me is the non-stop, continuous nature of this thing. If it’s not the Halliburton scandal, the AWOL scandal, “with us or against us”, “crusade”, “axis of evil”, “WMD”, cutting veterans…
What is the Pix Capacitor? The Pix Capacitor is a viewspaper where all sorts of craziness takes place. Socrates, Sigmund Freud, and Albus Dumbledore run rampant through the pages, and a beaver named Gabe gives advice to people who have…
Oh, dear! I just found out that someone likes someone else, but only when that other person wears cornrows in his (or her) hair. Not only that, but I found out that someone really likes to sodomize other people’s stuffed…
I really like this section. I’m not sure why: Eli: I need to do something. Jonathan: Like work out? Frank: Yeah, you seem stressed. Eli: I am. Frank: Have you been masturbating? Eli: No! Frank: Start masturbating. But, like all…