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I never got Garrison Keillor, but the people who like him swear by him. “Gee Willickers,” they say. Because their swears are from the 1890s.

If there’s one thing you can say about your parents, it’s that they raised a wonderful daughter… Which is more than you can say about mine

Dear 20-33 year olds- what would you say to a guy your age that had never played Zelda?

I’ve deduced by mathematical induction that every day I am shuffling.

You’re 22? Really? Because you look like you’re pushing 30 with a feather.

Buyer Beware: the impulse aisle could set you back a year’s salary at Whole Foods.

Today I accidentally said the phrase ‘explosive diarrhea’ in class. They laughed. Does anyone have a phrase I can accidentally say tomorrow?

I shouldn’t enjoy teaching/teasing my students this much.

I sure could go for a Double Dragon reboot. Or a Double Double Dragon, if you will.

We’ve all been thinking it, but I’m just going to come out and say it: Alyssa Milano hasn’t done anything good since Double Dragon the movie