I don’t have any shark friends. I’m afraid of getting too chummy with them.

The census sent a letter saying they would send another letter. I’m bothered they didn’t sent an earlier letter saying to expect That one.

“You’re like MacGuyver! Only you’re a girl. So MacGirlver!”

Driving is more enjoyable if you are on the phone. Also, texting.

Sorry ladies, but men are just naturally better at some things. Like being misogynists.

@Mablicia – YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COME! I’m starting a new tradition (instead of the walk). In which every year, we all go to a new place! Everyone is invited! And as soon as everyone begins planning their vacations around them,…

Just made back $225 and found out I was going to Europe this summer. Today’s pretty much a good day.

Odds work in odd ways.

For some reason, I get more work done in fast food restaurants than I do at my desk.

I’m quite irrational most days. I hope for what I don’t think could ever exist and have to consciously stop myself from just going for it.

Is there an online confessional anywhere? I need forgiveness on the cheap and quick.

Q:What TV show makes you laugh the loudest? A:I’m actually pretty far into How I Met Your Mother

Q:If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would it be?… A:The me from yesterday.

Hey little girl. How are you? I’m Pixel. I knew your daddy when he was the same age and gender you are!

Sometimes I go with the flow, sometimes I stay with the ebb.

Sometimes a girl just needs to know he matters. I mean boy! It’s for a friend, you haven’t met him, he’s Canadian.

Why does Duke tell UNC to go to hell? Isn’t that where devils hang out? Even… Blue Devils?

I often entertain the ladies with my impressive recollection of the first three digits of pi.

I’m not on the rebound, I’m on the fumble. rebound implies you actually took a shot. Fumbles can also last much longer. It doesn’t count as a rebound if you bounce a couple of times before you get picked up.

Man.. Sorry about my tweets from last night. I don’t think I’ve ever been more out of control. My phone claims it doesn’t have a sim card installed. I guess the apologetic calls can end for the night.

If I could control who I cared about, it’d probably be someone who didn’t drag my emotions through fire. Love just means different things to different people. To some it’s just strong momentary feeling. I know that now. It’s too…

I’m glad i was here when Carolina finally went to hell.

Yey Duke! Boo pixel!

The way to inspire super cheering is getting us all wasted beforehand.

This is embarrassing: the guy next to me is wearing the same outfit I am. And so are the 9000 fans next to him.

Just finished a pep rally. Man, am I tired of cheering now.

I’m rapidly passing the point where i’m hanging out in the late evening and being out in the wee morning.

This protein bar is pretty good. It very nearly manages to approximate flavor.

The dealer made my car bionic today. It’s really something, but I’m going to be paying the $6 million bill off for a while.

I hate hearing bad things about new, fun people. This world is far too small.

Say what you will, but Jack Johnson is not good workout music.

Drunk tweeting. Next is drunk texting then drunk facebooking… And that can’t end well for anyone.

I need to stop tweeting from the bathroom. (This message was sent from the municipal sewer.)

Automated towel dispensers never recognize me waving my hands. I swear I’m not a vampire!

If I keep imagining that sad Charlie Brown song, I’m going to develop horrible posture.

I always get scared of things that are too easy: questions, women, bake ovens…

Why is it that high school TV series only ever show you how students interact with one teacher?

I’m going to see Hot Tub Time Machine opening night! Closing night, too! But that’s probably going to be the same night.

I mean, I speak that particular language. (Español, para mis amigos ignorantes.) But it’s scary to know people look at that stuff.

Just had a Chilean contact me because my name on the philosophy dept. web site sounded Spanish… Cool, yet scary.

Here’s an interesting correlation: As depression goes up, cleanliness and hygiene go down.

Which is funnier? “He’s something that you can never be: taller than me.” OR “He’s something that you can never be: of average height.”?

Things that make me happy: butterscotch, burritos, cookies, and cute girls paying attention to me. So far today I’m 3 of 4