Just once i want to read ’emphasis removed.’

I had to tell Obama to stop spamming my phone.

“Life is full of qualitative differences.”

I don’t want to know how to live the good life, I want to lead the Great life.

Not only can I not spare change, I can’t even spare time to answer this ques–

Time to take off my leisure hat and put on my work poncho.

So it turns out I don’t have cancer. Oh, well, you can’t win them all.

Is it normal that every time I walk into a bank I have to convince myself I’m not planning on robbing it?

All my friends that have moved to red states have turned Republican. I, on the other hand, moved to North Carolina and now it’s tinting blue

I don’t prejudge, I just precorrelate.

I VOTED!! I wasn’t expecting some of those candidates, though. I mean, who’s barack obama?

It does not pay to have enemies.. But It’s still cheaper than having friends.

I felt smart today. That… that hasn’t happened in a while. In a long while.

@narfna — did I ever thank you for helping me with my personal statement. Because I am now in grad school and… that was just cold, man.. I don’t hate it, I sort of like it. I just like whining.…