It might turn out that the appropriate response to economic pressures is to panic then collapse into a stupor. I call it the ‘opossum plan.’

Best quote ever: “Do You know how long it takes to teach a monkey to gamble?”

My friend: “Can you have a girl-crush on a boy? Or does that just become a regular crush?”

Is beaten, but not broken. Need new glasses, last pair are crooked due to an unexpected high-speed collision with a very fat fist.

Day 2: It is a good sign when your nose decreases in ratio of blood to snot. EDIT: Cops have a guy! EDIT EDIT: Cops have THE guy. He had my iPod on him when they caught him and corroborated…

Today i was beaten, burgled, and had my house broken into. Not necessarily in that order. So he asked to use my phone, then started punching me. I fought him off and called the cops. I’d go on, but my…

I have to rewrite my suicide note. Teacher says the first draft was ‘too preachy.’

Things are shaping up. Just today: an attractive girl smiled at me. Pretty soon: it’ll be on purpose.

We’re having a party for the V-P debate!

Hey guys, I found some people on the Internet that still think Sarah Palin is competent:

String theory is so messed up, It’s all tied up in knots.

I often make phenomenal judgments… just not about qualia.

What’s the nicest way to say “I really want to pay attention, but I don’t care about anything you’re going to say”?

I don’t know why I expected to get paid at 12:01 a.m. today: I mean, I had my money direct-deposited to my Wachovia bank account. :-S

I’ve gone beyond considering whether academia matters now: I BELIEVE the arguments for why it doesn’t matter. Makes writing papers hard…

I just told my brother I couldn’t help him get out of the backdoor draft because i had homework. I need alcohol.

… I need to find more philosophers that are on twitter.

When in panic or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout.