I made a car out of trash and a trash can out of car parts.

On the one hand, I want to solve all of the world’s problems, but on the other, I really want a lot of people to die.

I need to learn philosophical jiu jitsu.

Aww, crud, my browser history says there’s a 92% likelihood I’m female.

Man, people telling me they pay close attention to my updates has made me gun shy. And that’s barely a euphemism.

Laughter is good medicine so long as you don’t overdose.

They’re not religious. Unless you consider love a religion.. Which I don’t. I consider it a cult.

Yo @narfna, seriously: go here: I want you to be part of this, yeah? P.S. @meznor: you should also go there. I also want you on my super cool person constrained writing blog.

Things McCain should not say, “the guard traced a cross in the sand, so then i traced the letter ‘u.’”

The past version of myself gives me really bad advice.

If suicide is your final decision, you might as well go all out.

Six sodas for six dollars is a buck a pop.

I don’t need time management advice! I need one of those time turners from Harry Potter three.

The beauty of having meetings in restaurants is that even if nobody shows: food!

I worked for 25 hours straight before I took a break twenty minutes ago… jeez.

I just drank two Moster Java energy drinks and took some hard core vitamins and iron supplements. I think that was how Heath Ledger started

He wouldn’t even be the sharpest knife in the drawer if the knife was in a drawer of spoons.

I wouldn’t be able to finish my reading today if I were Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.