Hey, didn’t McCain reach his life expectancy today?

I doubt the gettysburg address started with twenty thank yous.

Dear World: I miss Sleep, I feel guilty for cheating on it with Extreme Exhaustion.

What kind of a Joe names his son Beau?

Ironically, anything can be ironic if you just expect the opposite of whatever happens… and I’m not even being ironic.

Wow, three racist jerks just got arrested for allegedly plotting to kill Barack. Is that libelous? To call them jerks?

Note: don’t sign up for big brothers, big sisters if you’re an abusive sibling.

I am in a hospital taking care of a crying baby, wondering why everything between abortion and euthanasia is called murder.

I just got chastized in a dream. I’m going to stop having siestas, i think.

No one ever got called pithy by being accurate……….. wait, let me elaborate on that…

Holy cow, I JUST woke up from a dream that had my new roommate and @angelaboration in it… trippy.

She can handle herself, she’s a big girl. Yes, . . . She is.

So i survived my first day in durham, which is good… That was definitely one of my top two preferred outcomes.

Quoth the Daniel: “I’m more likely to vote for a person that DIDN’T get shot down by the Vietnamese.”

It’s not TV, it’s HBO… oh, wait, it actually is TV.

I have arrived at my brother’s place in North Carolina, alive… Yeah, I’m kinda disappointed too.

Fayetteville is weird. I thought i was going the wrong way because all the signs weren’t facing me, but they all said ‘wrong way.’

I know there are mad scientists, but are there any furious scientists?