Dear college students – saying ‘therefore’ is not a substitute for a good argument. Therefore, you should all lick toads.

Someone make the grading stop!

I just realized one of my students is colorblind. My grue lecture must have made no sense at all! Two separate thoughts..

Fun times with @pippki today! I now have more drawing of my face as a giant strawberry than I know what to do with.

I checked my hotmail inbox for the first time in two years today. I had hundreds of SPAM emails. So… pretty much par for the course.

There’s no better mixed drink than a fine single-malt scotch and regret.

I get endless amusement imagining Sarah McLachlan and Lil’ Jon doing a duet.

There’s a high correlation between a guy’s opinion on circumcision and whether he’s been circumcised. FYI: I’m only half in favor.

Vodka-Redbull drinks are so 1998. I’ve moved on to Nyquil-5 Hour Energy shots.

Tomorrow is No Email Day. To show how productive life can be without email, I’m spending all day today emailing people to inform them.

I bet the Cain Train stops at conjunction junction.

I just found Hume’s missing shade of blue! It’s Grue!

Pro Tip: When DJing a party for your friends, it’s required for you to rickroll them at least twice.

I’m sorry if these papers smell like someone spilled expensive, well-aged scotch on them…. extremely, unbelievably sorry.

“He’s awesome, and I very rarely say that about people.” —@Pixelation talking about himself in the third person.

I spent $400 on my Hipster Hobo costume. It’s very ironic.

Two-thirds of a conscience is not enough to keep you out of trouble. Too much to let you get away with it.

I hate having two thirds of a conscience. I don’t get the smug self-satisfaction. Really I don’t get satisfaction of any sort.. 🙁