I follow over a hundred philosophers and two porn stars. Is it bad that I find as much insight in the latter as the former?

I finished reading a book that has yet to be published! … I think I’m doing this wrong.

I really dig treasure.

Have you ever tried to give yourself a pep talk and you accidentally say the wrong name?

Time to go out and convince women to pay attention to me.

Nighttime irrationality hit early today. I’m going to treat this with a nap.

My undergrad didn’t have an honor code, so naturally everyone cheated, murdered, and disgraced their family.

Too many women smiling at me today. How is it they can always tell?

You’re getting older now. You’re going to keep getting hit on by 40-year-old chicks more and more. It peaks at 40, then it trails off a bit.

The least I could do was stay home all day sleeping. This was next least.

I’ve grown used to the check engine light. It comforts me. It’s like my car has a broken heart. It’ll be okay, little guy.

Shoot.. This top ten hugger list is going to be harder than I thought. I must put some consideration into this.

Hm. I think I’m going to rate my all time favorite huggers. @Mablicia and @nikithestampede are both on my top ten for sure..

Robowomen are too hard to design. We should just give regular women lobotomies.

This might be an unpopular thing to say, but insurance companies are poopoo heads.

I only moderate in binges.

I only binge in moderation.

Binge anything sounds bad. Binge eat, binge drink, binge workout, binge childbirth.