Ind e-Pen XXIV

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1+++BT+24+++ Introduction ============== I tried writing this episode early this week, but I accidentally played twenty hours of “Commandos 2: Men of Courage” instead. THEN, as if it weren’t bad enough, I tried to write this and…

Ind e-Pen XXIII

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1+++BT+23+++ Introduction ============== So I went from the Sun City (El Paso, Texas) to Sin City (Las Vegas, Nevada). Next time, I think I’m going to go to Cos City (Ha ha, get it? Trig? Yeah, I…

Ind e-Pen XXII

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1+++BT+22+++ Introduction ============== Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. I’m another year older, And on that, I’m not keen! And 19 times 19 Mooooore!! (or 361.) Circling the drain… Oh, no. I thought I was…

Ind e-Pen XXI

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+21+++ Introduction: =============== So there I was, checking my e-mail, when I ran across my first submission to the Ind. e-Pen ever. My first thought was, “wow, someone actually wrote in,”… then I thought, “ha, wouldn’t it…

Ind e-Pen XX

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+20+++ Introduction: =============== Yikes! Isn’t this supposed to be summer break? Shouldn’t I be less busy now than I was during school? Jeez. I can’t take the pressure anymore, let me go back to Final’s Week! A…

Ind e-Pen XIX

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+19+++ Introduction: =============== Bah, humbug. I’m becoming a Jehovah’s Witness. That’s right mom, no Mother’s day present for you. Okay, okay, yeah, I know I did that last year, then renounced my religion the day before my…

Ind e-Pen XVIII

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+18+++ Introduction: =============== Lazy weekends are the best, aren’t they? No finals to study for (which doesn’t mean no finals), no Pix Capacitors out (at least not to my knowledge), no games to play, no fun to…

Ind e-Pen XVII

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+17+++ Introduction: =============== I wonder what New York City’s like… Do you wonder too? Well, I’ll tell you what: I’ll leave tonight at midnight, hang out with around the crunch, big red fruit, come back on Sunday,…

Retraction to IeP 16

It turns out that the person that originally posed last week’s question demands that I consider him the true winner. Well, we here at the Ind e-Pen don’t submit to terrorism. So blah! Also, there is an ‘out’ where there…

Ind e-Pen XVI

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+16+++ Introduction: =============== Oh, I love having lazy weekends. Sure, I’ve been writing/putting off this e-mail for twelve hours now, but that’s the beauty of having broad deadlines. As long as it’s still technically Saturday (in the…

Ind e-Pen XV

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+15+++ Introduction: =============== Welcome back to the Ind. (short for Independent, or Indiana, or Indifferent… I don’t really care either way, actually) e- (short for electronic. Common in association with electronic mail and websites like eharmony, ebay,…

Ind e-Pen XIV

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+14+++ Introduction: =============== Finally, some time alone. My roommate’s friends came here from Millersville yesterday and, well… in the immortal words of the newly met J.P., “I wanna get some pussy, dammit!” Yeah. Five guys in one…

Retraction to Ind e-Pen XII(i)

I apologize, my journalistic integrity somehow ranked lower than making fun of Jcak this issue. It turns out he did not see three boobs. Here, he can tell it better: you got some wrong information buddy. i didn’t see three…

Ind e-Pen XII(i)

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+12+++ Introduction: =============== This week was chock-full of entertaining fun. Yep, being couped up in a car for 56 hours, seeing a tropical paradise, not getting any girls to flash me… you know, the usual. But enough…

Ind e-Pen XII

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+12+++ Introduction: =============== Today my good friends, we return to normalcy (oh, how I hate that word). That’s right, today, fateful readers, I go undercover, in drag, to find out just WHAT I’m missing out on. See…

Ind e-Pen XI

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+11+++ Introduction: =============== This is Gabe the Beaver filling in for whoever sends these silly e-mails out regularly. I wish I could tell you, seeing as he IS my direct boss, but quite frankly, I never cared…

Ind e-Pen X

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+10+++Introduction: =============== I have an excellent explanation for the lateness of this e- Mail. It’s a great explanation. Not like last week when I Had nothing better to say than, “my prostate just exploded.” Okay, so that…

Ind e-Pen IX

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+9+++ Introduction: =============== Everyone has had to deal with “crunch-time” at some point in their lives. Yes, even Shaquile O’Neil. Well, this last week I thought I had it bad. One test, One midterm portfolio, and one…

Ind e-Pen VIII

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+8+++ Introduction: =============== So my teacher wants me to submit some writing to this annual magazine. Something about a New Growth Arts Review. I ignored it, as always. I’m not good at writing fiction, or poetry, or…

Ind e-Pen VII

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+7+++ Introduction: =============== You know why I love VD? Because of the way it makes people act. It makes them so happy… except for the ones that just get bitter. But VD is upon us. That’s right,…

Ind e-Pen VI

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+6+++ Introduction: =============== I don’t very often feel like writing real viewsletters, do I? There’s a reason for this. See, on Friday the Thirteenth, this little paper called the Pix Capacitor needs to be finished. Thus, if…

Ind e-Pen V

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+5+++ Introduction: =============== Snood. Snood. Snood. I’m not going to tell you about snood. Snood is bad. Snood is the reason I almost didn’t write this issue. It’s more addictive than nicotine, cocaine, alcohol, and porn put…

Ind e-Pen IV

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+4+++ Introduction: =============== Okay, because I didn’t feel like writing a real viewsletter this issue, I decided to just write a little bit of dialogue. Here you go. Hopefully the time I saved in writing this will…

Ind e-Pen III

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+3+++ Introduction: =============== I just got back from a trip here in Indiana, PA. Basically, we went to the mall, the hospital, then out to eat. You know, the classical college pastime. Eating, I mean. But there…

Ind e-Pen II

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+2+++ Introduction: =============== As an introduction to this, the second edition of future history (or past prophesy, whatever), I’ve decided to treat you to a magic trick: I say a number and you say the number that’s…

Ind e-Pen I

Introduction: =============== Welcome to the first edition of the Ind. e-Pen (punny, yeah, I know). If you’re wondering just what the Ind. e-Pen is, let me explain: it’s some sort of thing. Really. I mean, probably. [1] Basically, it’s a…

Gov. Gabe v. Pauper Prudy

Dear Gabe, Why don’t you run for Governor? You can’t possibly mess up the position anymore, and lord knows you can’t [expletive deleted] fuck New Mexico over any worse than it already is. —Joe Voter Dear Joe, Well the truth…

Gabe the Test-Taking Techie

Dear Gabe, How do you deal with Midterms? I know when it comes to the bottom line, I usually choke. —Joe Frosch Dear Joe, It’s no secret that midterms are tough. It’s extremely hard to sink your teeth into them.…

Gabe the High-Brow Beaver

Dear Gabe, Why do people shave their eyebrows? -Seattle-based Service Administrator. Dear Ass-backwards, You are probably saying this in remarks to what a local editor of a local paper did to his local face. Well, the most simple response to…

Gabe v. Joseph Lovato

Dear Gabe, I have a friend that’s having some problems with his mates. See, this friend, let’s call him Fishypoo, is living with this guy, let’s call him donkeybuttbrain, who is not your typical roommate. Assuming your typical roommate doesn’t…

Gabe, the Internet Guru

Dear Gabe, I’ve taken a liking to boy bands. Is that bad? –Joe Pop Dear Joe, There’s absolutely nothing wrong with boy bands. In fact, they are some of that most talended musicians out there in the music biz today.…

Pixel Q. Styx: Year 0

Whoo! Life. I’ve been waiting for this for months! Life rules! Nothing bad could possibly happen now, I mean: I’m alive, right? No more womb for me (probably)! And I bet I grow up to be handsome and intelligent and…