‘code three to register one?’ Man, why don’t they call them something awesome, like ‘code ninja to register gorilla’?

I wish i could tweet in pictures, but that would go 950 words over the limit.

I’ve been offered four jobs so far this year: each one better than the last. I wonder how long I have to wait to be offered ‘President.’

Don’t you just love when your aunts are talking to you and you’re completely superfluous to the conversation?

I was offered a job as a technical writer for $17 an hour, but I can’t accept it. I know, I’m beating myself up too.

When I run out of hair gel, I just shave my head. It’s the great circle of life.

It’s almost 1 o’clock, why don’t I have pants on yet? This isn’t an episode of Cops!

Drinking makes the world go round… Wait, stop! Why is the world going round??

1: would you ever hit a lady with a baby? 2: Of course not, I’d hit her with a brick.

Clearing out frwitters that haven’t updated in over a month… Is this YOU??

The order is bitch to yourself, joke to others. I always get the two confused..

An example of political suicide: “Yeah, well maybe Martin Luther King was ASKING to get shot.”

Phenomenology. Why does something i care so little about have such a cool name?

Have you ever wanted to thwack a smarmy bastard so hard it made him cry? Yeah, i guess i deserved that.

OMG, OMG, @narfna is following me! I’ve gotta get her off my tail! OH NOOES!!

EUREKA!!! I FOUND MY PEN!! https://www.wts.hu/upload/index.php?route=product/search&search=patron%20unix … now if only I could order it…

I keep forgetting i can post via phone.

I missed a call from ‘unknown?’ Oh NOES!! I haven’t talked to unknown in ages! I wonder what she’s up to?