I’m in Mexico and I have neon lemon hair. Could life be any more perfect?

I’ve been single for too long. My lies are getting terrible.

When i look in the mirror i don’t want to look good. I want to LAUGH.

So, I’m drawing a 11 y.o. girl for a comic. Umm… What do girls wear?

I figured out what I’m doing wrong: I sleep till noon, get tired, have too much caffeine, and stay up till five. I’m a java vampire.

At first, I was a vegetarian for the chickens. Now I do it for the chicks.

I hate movie where you actually FEEL embarrassed for the character. Funny: because that’s basically how you’d describe my autobiography.

Okay, my friends and I have now donated $165 to Myanmar relief via three different charities.

I need help lying to my nielsen diary. What shows are on when thursday night? And when does AC360 come on?

“Hello, this is the wrong number. I mean, Hello.” “Yeah, is this John Grays?” “No, I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.” True story.

Oh Em Gee. I totally forgot to tweet something hilarious. Oops.

Grab a hold of your side: the funny joke is imminent.

You guys don’t even know how lucky you are to be following me. I’m going to do something REALLY funny, REALLY soon.

Ho ho ho, I’m sorry, I’m just laughing at that thing that I’m going to do soon. It’s going to be very funny.

Okay, my funny thing is going to come up pretty soon now. Get ready.

I’m going to say something funny soon. Be prepared to laugh.

Holy topeka! The Nielsen ratings diary came in and they included $30. Cash. As in not a check or money order.

Hi, i’m Super Pixel, i mean Regular Pixel. Damn it, I really suck at keeping a secret identity.