You know what i’ve never seen that would be AWESOME? Baby juggling. I bet it’d be quite a show.

Okay, I’ll miss @srah first, then the rest of you can take turns, savvy?

Wow, I’m not friends with my own brother on facebook. How fratracidical. (But not really, I just wanted to use that word.)

Holy cow, my area code (575) is the same as the number of syllables in a haiku: 5-7-5. I bet you’re jealous.

My friend asked me if i knew the name of the ninja that defeated a whole town of samurai. I said i didn’t realize Harry Truman was a ninja.

I feel like writing in my diary… And this time i might tell the truth!

Parental Advisory: Explicit AND Implicit Content

I never understood why garfield hates mondays. its not like he works or anything. And jon works at home cause hes a cartoonist

‘Practice makes perfect’ is a bad thing to say to someone who just attempted suicide.

I just realized that This Week and Face the Nation kind of suck. I think my news ignorant friends may be onto something…

Why is there so much drunk twittering?

“Five years ago, did you know where you’d be now?” “Man, five years ago, I didn’t know what GENDER I’d be now.”

It’s not that i’m picky, it’s that the world doesn’t meet my standards.

I realized why I’m so conceited: I have photoshop!

Wait, the pope is Catholic? Since when? I’m surprised that’s not a bigger news story

*Phew!* My to do list is almost finished. All I have left is “Learn French.” … Aww, crud.

Diet Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper: brilliant! Warm Diet Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper: Fug awful.

Wait, do they run the olympic torch back to athens after the olympics? They should. It only makes sense.