You know who i look down on? Short people. I mean, why couldn’t you just be taller? How hard is that?

I’m making a list of really awesome people I know. There’s a bunch. It makes me happy, but sad I don’t get to see them very often.

I don’t tell people my parents lend me money, i tell them i deal drugs to children. It’s more respectable.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I just got selected to be a neilsen TV household! the power and subsequent responsibility are humbling.

You’re 25? Weren’t you 22 back in march? ‘Yeah, but i’ve had a few birthdays since then.’

Wow, it’s four weeks until I turn 25 again.

Oh, shoot. I just realized that I sent off a check to the university in which I wrote “President Martin’s sex change” in the ‘for’ section.

What do you have to do that’s better than think about naked hulk? I don’t know, think about the naked thing.

If we accept slippery slopes as logical fallacies, before you know it, we’ll all be wearing penguin-fur thongs!

The internet is down. Would i be sensitive or a sissy if i wept openly?

I’ll be 25 until further notice. This means that I was now born in 1982 until May 29, after which I will have been born in 1983.

Holy cow, that was @JamesBond style: I just posted today’s post with only ninety seconds to spare!

Four attractive women smiled at me today. This doubles my life total.

Leaving arizona because my passengers are lame and have ‘jobs’ and ‘families.’ pfft! Losers. Now to load up on energy drinks.

Ooh! I’m in Arizona! Look! Chalk art and bad music!

In arizona. It’s warm. My friends say i should take off my hoodie, but then how would i look cool?

It turns out the wall in arizona isn’t made to keep mexicans out, but to prevent arizonans from escaping.

In arizona. Figured out why John McCain wants to move to washington d.c. permanently.