If she had asked me this time last year, I would have done it in a heartbeat.

My stupid, stupid cousin: “My cell phone doesn’t know how to spell enough. Look: E-N-U-F-F. It doesn’t even give it as an option!”

Just saw Paris Hilton’s ad and… it was okay, I guess. More than anything, it’s just hilarious that it’s news.

I propose a new term: subacquaintances. That is, people that send you application requests and pokes on facebook.

I am now in a plane. Take THAT aeronautical safety!

loo? os s? s???

Why is it that the teacher’s lecture in any given movie is always directly related to the plot of the movie?

I will trade problems with anyone. ANYONE. Sight unseen. Message me for information

I need a gay friend I can share all of my secrets with. Any applicants? We offer basic medical and are willing to train on the job.

Have you ever shared a secret with the absolute WRONG person? Yeah……….. so it goes

I once beat myself senseless in shadowboxing.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Can I swear here? Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Dear World: I’m beginning to think Mark Twain was a jackass. ALSO: All may have been discovered, I might have to flee the country.

My mom just sent me a friend request on hi5… I think I’m going to go ahead and hang myself now.

So the final Michigan compromise is EXACTLY what they had agreed to two WEEKS ago? Wow. Lame.

Holy friggin’ toot! I’m 25 now!! (Again!)

I put the ‘fist’ in ‘pacifist.’

“How’s the family?” needs to be a better question. Seriously. I’m tired of answering ‘my mom likes soup and my brother plays WoW.’