It’s so weird that surnames are passed along from the paternal line. Isn’t that the least reliable form of descent?

This homeopathic medicine is so effective. The active ingredient is ‘hope.’

String theory is tied up in knots.

Hecklers gonna heck.

Science says smoking makes you less of a man. Literally.

How is the Flash a better name than the Streak? They both mean exposing yourself.

I’m told Swedish people don’t like warm weather. I guess being trapped in Sweden makes warm temperature seem hot. It’s Stockholm Syndrome.

Wow, I totally dug #Interstellar. It may be my new favorite movie.

I’ll see you when I see you, if not before.

Damn. I totally forgot this was the fifth of November. And not really for any reason it should ever be forgot.

I moved to Canada last month. I think I was protesting… lampshades?

NaNoWriMovember #amidoingthisrite?

The old men in this locker room are far more comfortable with their naked bodies than I am with their naked bodies.

Studying x 6 years x 52 weeks x 40 hours = 1 Ph.D. Thus, I have a Ph.D. and several postdocs worth of expertise on the Simpsons.

1: You are the worst at taking compliments! 2: Wow, that’s so nice of you. Thanks!

1: “I like to point out the obvious.” 2: “You know, you didn’t need to say that, it’s actually fairly obvious.”

I know for some people, puns cause physical and psychological harm. I just want to say I’m sorry. No pain intended.

The BBB gave the business a C, but what the hell do they know about grading businesses? They get straight B’s.