I could let Jesus take the wheel, but then it would lead to me meeting him before I intended.

I like cats, but I don’t *always* like cats. Sometimes, I wish I could just put them on paws.

How is it that I didn’t know about #inktober? Time to catch up!

How do people use rocks as paperweights? Paper *beats* rock.

Roommate is playing Chopin as she’s studying. I say, “hey, after this song, can you play ‘Baby Got Back’?”

I regret forgetting Morse code the first time. Now have to learn it again. I feel such remorse.

I’ve tried measuring everything in this room, but I keep getting weird fractions. I just can’t.. even.

I hated the Hobbit. He was always complaining. I realize it’s ironic to complain about someone complaining, but I would hate to read me too!

Ted Cruz looks like a melted Lego figure and sounds like someone put talking points in a blender and then broadcast them.

I’m pray for an atheist president in my lifetime.

Huckabee, Huckawas.

Scott Walker looks like a rich guy who is trying to convince a cop that he isn’t drunk.

Any belt he wears is a tool belt.

I feel like my day is a cross between Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates and Bill Murray in Groundhog Day

Every time I think of all of the bad choices I’ve made in my life, I’m comforted by the fact that I, at least, didn’t marry Jeyne Westerling

I want a Song of Ice and Fire chapter written with a Hodor POV: “Hodor,” Hodor hodored hodorly.

Sometimes I wish philosophers wrote shorter pieces about more interesting things… I should have been a chef.

My music station is playing songs from Dreamworks movies. It’s Pandorable.