a Which is better, apples or oranges? b 1. You know, I never understood why guys today are so obsessed with six-packs. 2. Oh? 1. Yeah, kegs can hold much more beer. c Silly Rabbi, molestation is for Priests. d…

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My base of operations is now Wisconsin, in case anybody’s wondering how I could be in four places at once, it’s easy: time zones. When I zone out, I do it through a time zone. when i drink, i travel…

Damn. I shouldn’t have read this. Now I don’t want to finish the book. And it was a good book too. Updating for the sake of updating. Something bigger tomorrow and Tuesday come.

Ha ha. Ever notice how some authors have odd names? I realized while looking up Dracula that Bram Stoker’s name looks an awful lot like a porn name. Then I realized how they all have silly looking names. Let’s go.…

It’s time I admitted it, I’ve been having Writer’s Block for the past few weeks. So now I ask you to provide me with ideas. If you can think of something that needs making fun of, comment here. I’ll also…

As I’ve found most people disagree with how I plan on raising my hypothetical children, I’ve decided to try one final argument. Hopefully I won’t need to dip my pen back into this ink bottle again. Personally, I’m sick of…

Tao of Gabe I’m Gabe the Adorable Beaver and you’re not. My second favorite holiday—after Talk Like a Pirate Day— is upon us again. This Monday, you’ll be too old to go trick or treating, but you get one better:…

My [label missing](s) is/are throwing a 20th and a half birthday party for me on Sunday, November 27th, 2005 in Lane Cove National Park. Everyone who loves me should go… even if they have to take a 15 hour flight…

Hm. Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed more and more people mentioning that they read this blog in day to day interactions. Also, I’ve noticed my daily page views shoot up. I’m not quite sure what made this happen…

I don’t know if I’ve already told this story here, but it’s eerily appropriate given recent events. Back in high school, for our final field trip in a club called MESA (Math, Engineering, Science, Achievement), we went to the Biosphere…

I have an ethical dilemma. This afternoon, while eating lunch, I found a bag. I waited for an hour in the hopes that somebody would come by and claim the bag, but nobody came. I would have turned in the…

Tao of Gabe Gabe the Didactic Beaver here, your eyewitness to the recent SAM and MUSC elections 2005. To recap: last year there were no elections, this year there were. Like all issues, however, this has multiple sides. On the…

As I’ve finished the first edition of our new carnival (release date: October 31, Australia Time), I figured I’d print my own rejects here. Stay tuned next week for our grand unveiling. Invent a Time Machine and quick! It’s urgent!…

A total stranger called my column “very funny.” Wow. I haven’t been this flattered since Gadi Schwartz said he wanted to do a piece on the Pix Capacitor (which, of course, I am the key player. I even write most…

My wonderful roommate (is reading this) has some funny foibles. When you speak to him day to day, he’s ever so nice to you (assuming you’re not me). He won’t fight or anything, though he will point out when you’re…