I sort of need to figure out who is going to be the next person I pseudo-interview in a column called the “Philosopher’s Stone.” Given the following: Socrates, (Professor Albus Dumbledore),* (A lump of talking Play-Doh), (A future version of…
To all those that would seek to label me: Stop it! It’s annoying! I know it makes you feel fulfilled to not have to worry about my point of view if you think you understand it, but seriously… I am…
This is long, but Oh, so worth it. What rankles me is the non-stop, continuous nature of this thing. If it’s not the Halliburton scandal, the AWOL scandal, “with us or against us”, “crusade”, “axis of evil”, “WMD”, cutting veterans…
What is the Pix Capacitor? The Pix Capacitor is a viewspaper where all sorts of craziness takes place. Socrates, Sigmund Freud, and Albus Dumbledore run rampant through the pages, and a beaver named Gabe gives advice to people who have…
Oh, dear! I just found out that someone likes someone else, but only when that other person wears cornrows in his (or her) hair. Not only that, but I found out that someone really likes to sodomize other people’s stuffed…
I really like this section. I’m not sure why: Eli: I need to do something. Jonathan: Like work out? Frank: Yeah, you seem stressed. Eli: I am. Frank: Have you been masturbating? Eli: No! Frank: Start masturbating. But, like all…
Gosh, this person is sooo boring!! Just look at all he or she is writing! WHO CARES?? *sigh* What some people will waste bandwidth on.. And now, a .wav file of Tickle Me Elmo’s famous speech, played backwards!!
I laughed at this one for nigh on two minutes: “Hey, you’ve got a banana in your ear!” “What?” “I said, YOU’VE GOT A BANANA IN YOUR EAR!” “What? I can’t hear you; I’ve got a banana in my ear!”
Happy Birthday Jason D. Happy Belated B-Day Margret C. But, because you’re happy, neither of you get your own post. Screw you both.
I wonder. what’s the most amound of close friends one can have at once? I mean people who, if you didn’t see each other for a week, you’d both feel a bit off? Same thing for regular friends. People who…
It’s official. My pocket PC is dead. It had made it so long, too.. If only I’d cared for it more.. if only it were compatible with my laptop.. if only, if only.. Let’s have a moment of silence for…
… you never expect someone who sniffs your underwear to scream about how you never shut up about yourself. I bored my stalker by talking about myself too much. p.s. I am officially bored. Usually i’m just ‘wanting to do…
…whenever I’m in New York city to not sleep with any gay 40-year old males. Also, it’s raining. Here. In New Mexico. And it has been for a few days now. I bet you don’t get crazy stuff like water…
Dear world, I mean this in the nicest way, but we have problems. I reckon they’re irreconcilable. Yup. You guessed it. It’s a four letter-word: girl… (s). *sigh* I’m beginning to think this just isn’t worth it anymore. I’m also…
I think it just might. Let me know what you think before I start commenting all willy-nilly on myself.
Hey, you know what’s fun? Obscene and pornographic materials! They’re almost as fun as violence and discriminating based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation, or age. So let’s all do some illegal activities, while I help you gamble…
After reading George Carlo’s book (or at least seeing most of the icky pictures), you’d think that I would know better than to rest my cell phone next to my crotch… I don’t do a lot of things that people’d…
Dear Jenny Belle Werness, Thank you for being such an excellent activist. Thank you for being so cute and possibly related to the head of the American Atheists that you won their scholarship. You’re probably going to spend that money…