Some things people say that make me wish I had a Sterilizing Ray: “The biggest misconception of all times is that this country was founded under the basis of freedom. It most certainly was not. It was founded under God.”…
Napoleon Dynamite is NOT DEAD. Shut up, don’t say he is. Don’t ask me about it. He’s fine. Jon Heder did NOT die in a car accident. I don’t know how this got started, but the people who passed it…
I’m a genius, people, it takes a lot of work to pull one over on me. Especially with unsound arguments. From now on, any time someone’s argument fails, I’ll take two karma points from them.
The problem with being a caring jackass is that sometimes you care too much to make fun, yet you do it anyway. It’s sort of a self-effacing jackassiness. Sorry everyone. I don’t mean to do it, I just see opportunities…
Oh Haley, dear Haley. You 16-year old chick Sagittarius who is currently unemployed in the lucrative fashion field of Wenatchee, Washington!! I tried to be considerate, but I did Fail-ee, So now I’m writing a poem to express my utmost…
Dear Readers, Boy is life ever difficult for your learned best beaver friend Gabie. I’ve been reading the encyclopedia for about a month now and boy, are humans ever dull! Nothing but sex, violence, and immorality. I feel like I’m…
I’m leaving the country to dispose of some “evidence” now. I’ll be back Tuesday if I’m back at all. I don’t mean to worry you, but WE’RE ALL IN MORTAL DANGER!!!! So… see if you can get along without me.…
“i’m a republican. (i think) im for the tax cuts.” Okay. Let’s analyze that: From the Christian Science Monitor: “Budgets are moral documents, providing a framework for laying out priorities and values,” says Yonce Shelton, public policy director for Call…
Yup. Today is a slow Me news day. These kinds of days do happen, we kid you not. So no major posts except for me whining about how I’m such a jerk to my mom without meaning to be sometimes.…
Dear Gabe: I have this friend who has this advice blog, you see, but he doesn’t allow anonymous comments on it, so the many people wanting advice, but don’t want their ideas known end up going to some other blog.…
I used to be popular. I never knew why. I’ve never tried or cared. And now I’m not popular anymore, but not for any change in my part– just the nature of college. And I understand why I’m not popular…
Have you ever accidentally posted something on another blog without meaning to? It makes you feel silly. Boy, this being a contributing author to multiple blogs is confusing. Update (midnight): Drew came up with an awesome meme, me thinks. Let’s…
I’ve taken the liberty to spell check this passage. The tally is as follows: Justin: 32 spelling mistakes, 14 grammar mistakes, and 18 overuses of “1337 Speak” Drew: 5 spelling mistakes, and 2 overuses of “1337 Speak” (an overuse is…
You can’t expect me to update every hour! It’s inhuman, I tell you, inhuman!! Oh, and how are you?
Over the next few weeks, we’ll be adding some of Gabe’s brilliant ::scoff, scoff:: advice from years past. Hopefully, this will help you get a better idea of just who Gabriel Donovan David Deringer Dwight Beaver is.. I’m positive he…
Dear Gabe, My cousin has a nose picking disorder, and recently it has become chronic. He told me that he had a mission to find his brain. I’m concerned for his disorder, and was wondering what could aide my cousin…
This is a blog for our very own advice giving beaver, Gabe. Gabe shall be posting on here soon. But till then, give us some time to mess with the html.
Am I the only one that thinks it’s insulting to time the people’s acceptance speeches? And even more insulting to not let some of the less entertaining people go up to the stage? And who watches the entire show? More…