I should add “if you didn’t want me to” when I say “I would never tell anyone anything you told me.” Otherwise, I’m just a bad secretary.

I need to find a way to incorporate eating a gajillion Halloween candies into my calorie tracker.

Next Halloween I’m going to wear a belt and a pair of suspenders. I have determined that.

My understanding halves for every character I find that’s not a part of a language I speak. Why aren’t there math equations that use an ñ?

My phone sends messages arbitrarily. I just sent “I see u” to a friend I saw walking. I hope she gets it before she goes home to take a bath

My eyes have just been opened by @FakeAPStylebook to the world of people I can mock because they don’t have Internet access

Shoot! I only have 180 days left of qualifying under my mother’s health insurance! Quick: Someone break my legs!

A good extortionist knows how much he can charge. Crown Honda of Durham is not a good extortionist.

Sigh. I’m so emo right now I could wear eyeliner.

Why am I always so tired Friday mornings? Is it because I always stay up Thursday nights to write my weekly response? Yes.

Just made a highly inaccurate l1st of philosophy grad students. I’ll add you/delete you if you let me know what you are.

A lot of my Twitter friends are sending me some links. I’d better click on them just to be safe.

In the past week, I’ve gotten more phone calls from people asking me for money than I have from real people. Sad.

I would never wear a snuggie. They look stupid. A poncho, though, is a very ingenious article of clothing.

Reading two books with ‘sex’ in the title. “Sex and Death” and “Power, Sex, Suicide.” Neither is really about sex, sadly.

Dear Animal Farm: I do not think equal means what you think it means.

Van Leeuwenhoek discovered spermatozoa in 1677. How did he get a sample to look at under a microscope? …think about it.

Saw a talk today with science so soft it purred.