Today is Time Capsule Day! Wherein I make a time capsule to represent my life this year and bury it.

I was so poor, I sold my hair to buy a comb.

It might seem like I was responsible, but I didn’t even notice the kid was missing! So… How responsible could I be?

Here is a six word story: Peter Godfrey-Smith killed our reading group.

If sitcoms end seasons on dramatic cliffhangers, TV dramas should end seasons just before a big punchline.

My friend can spell any word while blindfolded. There’s no reason that should be any more impressivethan normal, but it so is.

I like to be an ass and tell my students that I’m really busy this week, but can meet with them after finals.

New year’s resolution for me: quit subtly insulting you. For you: to be less jolly.

Have you ever had your life flash before somebody else’s eyes?

:'(

Apparently it is always a bad idea to ask a woman if she is in line for the men’s room.

I sometimes lie, but I never meta-lie. Okay, sorry. That was a meta-meta-lie.

There will never be a Darwin for the blade of a razor.

When you ask a question while engaging in heavy rhetoric, does that make it rhetorical? Just a hypothetical.

The renaissance may have started it, but it was the enlightenment that really ended the dark ages. 🙂

I’ve never been so reluctant to wake up for a 4:50 p.m. class.

Why is shopping for glasses impossible to do online? I expect this from soup, toilet paper, and escorts, but GLASSES?

Why does every eyewear specialist insist on putting me in nerd glasses?