Nobody ever asks people to cheer then stops and says they are satisfied with the enthusiasm of the first cheer.

Why would prisoners even get caught in an iterated prisoner’s dilemma? That just seems either cruel or foolish.

When writing a paper or dealing with personal issues, your best friend is more time. But your worst enemy is also more time

That’s as unsatisfying as the ending to Chasing Amy!

“Today I made peace with the possibility that MY cause of death might not be listed as “kung fu”. *sigh* Frig, wait! No I didn’t!”

Starve a cold, feed a fever, drink a hangover.

Yey! My cranberry sauce possibly doesn’t suck.

The revolution will not be televised. So no sense setting your TiVo.

Infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters will eventually rewrite Shakespeare. Or just one monkey and a REALLY good editor.

Why does everyone call me a megalomaniac? Is it because I’m so awesome?

I’m going to fast all day in order to exercise poor judgment at dinner time.

Carving out an hour of time is so much harder than carving out sixty minutes.

Why is it that there are no Native American barber shops? Is it because white people’d be afraid that they’d take too much off the top?

Other people on Facebook got the updated privacy policy message today, right? They’re not just mad at me, are they?

Erratum- the preceding article was firmly debunked immediately prior to submission.

I think I broke Facebook. I’ve started a ‘friend tournament’ on facebook over who gets to hang out with me. It’s fabulous.

You got me to watch 20 hours of television this week. Not many people can do that. Just you and the editors of TV Guide.

I got my pet rock when it was just a wee little pebble.