Arrested Development is being taken off Hulu. This is the worst thing to happen to the Internet since IE.

Mad means ‘crazy’ in commonwealth English, doesn’t it? Mad Max suddenly makes so much more sense… So does Madonna.

Systematics nerd joke: Your tree has less resolution than a drunken New Year’s boast.

Systematics nerd joke: My strict consensus tree is a star burst.

I need to get a tablet – drawing my notes in ASCII is such a pain.

If your adviser never shows up for your prelim, that’s a bad thing, right?

The commentator’s objection is well noted, but he neglects a crucial part of my argument: that he can go screw himself.

Stresssss means no sleep. In 36 hours I can go back to normal, I think.

I use approximate rhyme all the times.

There is something it is like to be a George A. Romero zombie

That woman’s hair is so short it wants to conquer Europe.

JCAK IS COMING TO VISIT!! ZOMG LOL ROTFLMAO!!! I’ve known Jack since fifth grade. He’s my oldest friend. Or at least he was until I started playing golf.

Scientific American reports we only trust experts when they agree with us. Hmm… Yeah, I know. I don’t buy it either.

This club is playing Lady Gaga on skip apparently. It’s a much improved remix.

“Have you met my wife?” “No, but I’ve seen the before picture in infomercials.”

Got a random present from my best friend today. A normal reaction would be thanks. For me, it was tears and a non-proportional counterstrike

Dear WebMD app: you should not open to the most recently searched for ailment. I swear, I looked up ‘Space Syphilis’ out of just curiosity!

Our results weren’t conclusive. Next time, we’re not going to have a single-blind, double-deaf study.