“Have you tried kissing a man? I don’t think you’ll like it, but it’ll get your mind off things.”

Oldest friend talking me off a ledge by advising me to take up drugs and drop out of school. See? That’s what friends are for.

All packed up and nowhere to go. I have to stay up till 4 a.m. to catch a bus to the Final Four. Craziness. Why am I going to the Final Four in person if I don’t care about basketball?…

I’m going to start putting my homework on dry-erase boards outside of MIT classes to see if I can get the janitors to do it

RT What happens when you RT something, then don’t put the name of the person from whom you RT’d that something? Please RT.

It’s not you, it’s me: I can’t stand you.

“Lisa Ma is another Asian who says she can’t tell the difference between Asians. You should go talk to her.” “Great… Which one is she?”

Can’t wait for midnight. April Fools 2010… oh, you’re going to be sooo good to me.

I wish the ‘Send’ button wasn’t so close to the ‘close’ button on Thunderbird. Sorry for the poorly thought out, abusive e-mail, grandma.

I wish these signs for school board president advertised more of the candidate’s political platform than his last name.

Running around this track feels like I’m going nowhere. I always end up where I started. I should switch to the treadmill.

I bombed that test like Dresden.

Which is more surprising: the Large Hadron Collider smashing things, Ricky Martin being gay, or the sun rising every morning?

Life Lesson: Trip Cancelation Insurance only protects you if the _airline_ cancels your flight. Who knew? This lesson cost $650.

I’m going to make a spin off of Ugly Betty and call it Fugly Betty.

I just invented peanut butter pizza. You can thank me later.

What if Cinderella had been wearing really tight heels to the ball?

Though we will be meeting on April Fools’ Day, this message to meet then is not an April Fools prank. It’s a Late March prank.