Antidepressants are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

There is some confusion as to whether Alexander wept because “there were no more worlds left to conquer” or because “there were infinite worlds to conquer and he had yet to conquer one.” One thing we do know is that…

It turns out there’s a limit to how much Chartreuse can go into a concoction. That limit is zerø.

In the gritty reboot of Captain Planet, the pilot is just him crying for a half hour.

I can’t wait until @linmanuelmybean’s sequel about the second secretary of the treasury, Oliver Wolcott Jr.

If you give the Hamilton musical a long enough standing ovation, they come back and do a zombie Hamilton encore.

Atlas: the Titan who always skipped leg day.

I’m so tired of trying to be happy and failing.

Detective Pikachu has some positive reviews. I’m considering seeing it, even though I was too old to grow up with detectives.

Meal replacements replace meals with sadness.

Added bicycling in the dark with no lights.

In the Hobbit, Gandalf, a racist old man, asks Bilbo for help because he thinks his race is particularly “sneaky.”

Fun fact: Duck dicks fall off every year after mating season. Makes you think..

Always the BoJack, never the Mr. PeanutButter.

It turns out it is possible to lose an argument on the Internet and walk away. Some of y’all should try it. You could get an extra 20,000 steps in every day.

The only thing all my problems have in common is me. Also, pumpernickel.

I wish I did more death defying stunts than tweeting while driving.

Living alone is the worst— it’s being trapped with your own worst enemy.