I can’t wait to use my 2020 glasses on New Years.
I can’t wait to use my 2020 glasses on New Years. Although, if they’re 20/20, why do I need glasses? (I’ll see myself out.)
I made her life hell before.
I made her life hell before. I’m better now, but I’d probably still make her life heck.
Perks of dating me: lots of jokes x 1% hit rate = lots of laughs many deep thoughts without being douchy about it own my own car, have a nice apartment, and don’t fret about money if I break your heart, I’ll break my own, too, for some reason https://t.co/4
Perks of dating me: lots of jokes x 1% hit rate = lots of laughs many deep thoughts without being douchy about it own my own car, have a nice apartment, and don’t fret about money if I break your…
I’m like an onion: easy to cut, will make you cry, and falls apart under the tiniest bit of pressure.
I’m like an onion: easy to cut, will make you cry, and falls apart under the tiniest bit of pressure.
I think this is the most extraordinary collection of criminality, of imbecility, that has ever been gathered at the White House – with the possible exception of when Donald Trump dined alone.
I think this is the most extraordinary collection of criminality, of imbecility, that has ever been gathered at the White House – with the possible exception of when Donald Trump dined alone.
Harry Potter and Crew who Peaked in High School
Harry Potter and Crew who Peaked in High School
I.
I… 1) earned a PhD. 2) got a job 3) finished a list of accompl
I discovered that my misophonia is triggered by paintbrushes as much as other brushes.
I discovered that my misophonia is triggered by paintbrushes as much as other brushes. There goes my career as an artist ?
Playing Devil’s Paralegal: “I’ve highlighted all of the parts of the document that sound bad out of context.
Playing Devil’s Paralegal: “I’ve highlighted all of the parts of the document that sound bad out of context.”
I spent a year working on a gift I’ll never give.
I spent a year working on a gift I’ll never give. Futile projects are weirdly cathartic. ???
Always the Charlie, always the Waitress, but never at the same time.
Always the Charlie, always the Waitress, but never at the same time.
I’m all in on impeachment now.
Mike Dorning, “U.S. TO SET ADDITIONAL TARIFFS ON IRISH, SCOTCH WHISKIES” I’m all in on impeachment now.
Ugh— I hate it when the person I most need to talk to is dead or something.
Ugh— I hate it when the person I most need to talk to is dead or something. It’s hard to keep track.
It’s easy to afford to travel if you don’t mind being in debt for the rest of your life.
It’s easy to afford to travel if you don’t mind being in debt for the rest of your life.
I’m not conventionally attractive, but I still hope conventions will catch up to me.
I’m not conventionally attractive, but I still hope conventions will catch up to me.
Canonically, it takes three weeks to get into Rocky or Karate Kid shape.
Canonically, it takes three weeks to get into Rocky or Karate Kid shape. So if anybody want to battle, schedule it within 20 days.
Oppenheimer claimed that, when he witnessed the first atomic weapon, he quoted, “I have become death, destroyer of worlds.
Oppenheimer claimed that, when he witnessed the first atomic weapon, he quoted, “I have become death, destroyer of worlds.” Eyewitness accounts deny this, claiming he instead said, “big bomb go boom.”
The gunfight at the O.
The gunfight at the O.K. Corral lasted 30 seconds and killed three people. It wouldn’t make a top ten shooting most months in the U.S.