@nikithestampede – I want an Alicia day! Or a Niki day… 🙁

‘AHH!’ (Finally: an appropriate use of scare quotes.)

I often over-pronounce the ‘b’ in subtle. And, just to be ironic, I under-pronounce the ‘b’ in obvious.

They say “hate the game, not the player.” But I hate both. Also: the coach. And the waterboy.

Have to rewrite my suicide note. Teacher says the first draft was ‘too preachy.’

I don’t believe in love: I don’t even believe in tolerance.

Here’s a prank: take the nicotine and caffeine out of someone’s cigarettes and coffee. Now have them baby-sit a colicky baby. Hilarious.

The trip was nice, I took advantage of the first six hours to sit and stare straight ahead. Then, I looked down and to the left somewhat

My moral compass doesn’t point to True North. It just points forward.

“I love you, too” in Guy means “I really don’t want this to turn into an argument right now.”

I want to be a jerk. You always see the jerks with girls they don’t deserve. I want a girl I don’t deserve. I think I’ve earned it.

Would you like the soul and body of Christ? “No, thanks, I had some Buddha earlier.”

C: I’m depressed because I’m wasting my youth: I’ll never be 25 again. D: But you’re not 25 now! C: Oh, yeah, I guess I will be 25 again..

I know I have no deadlines right now, but I’m still being very productive. #oppositeday

Next time a girl from my past contacts me without warning, I’m just going to tell her I’m happily married with four kids.

I just heard that the people I know/care about in Mexico City are okay. No #swineflu for them. *relief* *fret* *relief*

Man, I don’t want to die of #swineflu! I don’t even eat pork, let alone handle it. Why is there never a Tofu Flu or a Soy Curd Cold?

Can you have pregrets? Because most of my relationships start off with me being sad with all the mistakes I’m bound to make.