I’m just going to say it. I know we’ve all been thinking it: There’s just not enough rickrolling in Shakespere’s sonnets.

I’m just going to skip to the end of this article to find out what this guy is going to fail to prove.

It’s too easy to make people feel sad and cry at funerals. I want them to panic and feel slightly aroused.

Metaphors are LIKE similes, but similes ARE metaphors.

I meant to say sui generis, but instead I said sega genesis.

Just grokked apple juice. You grok?

He’s easily manipulated, but not by me… which is the worst type of easily manipulated.

Sad: The Ouroboros ate my homework.

I feel spoiled: i’m getting a working front door!

L: “and i feel the fear. while enjoying the heights”

It might turn out that the appropriate response to economic pressures is to panic then collapse into a stupor. I call it the ‘opossum plan.’

Best quote ever: “Do You know how long it takes to teach a monkey to gamble?”

My friend: “Can you have a girl-crush on a boy? Or does that just become a regular crush?”

Is beaten, but not broken. Need new glasses, last pair are crooked due to an unexpected high-speed collision with a very fat fist.

Day 2: It is a good sign when your nose decreases in ratio of blood to snot. EDIT: Cops have a guy! EDIT EDIT: Cops have THE guy. He had my iPod on him when they caught him and corroborated…

Today i was beaten, burgled, and had my house broken into. Not necessarily in that order. So he asked to use my phone, then started punching me. I fought him off and called the cops. I’d go on, but my…

I have to rewrite my suicide note. Teacher says the first draft was ‘too preachy.’

Things are shaping up. Just today: an attractive girl smiled at me. Pretty soon: it’ll be on purpose.