Daenerys Targaryen would totally print her résumé on business cards and hand them out to everyone she met.

Screw it. Since nobody cares anymore, I’m going to spl-boldly-it all of my infinitives.

Would you vote if presented with a false dichotomy?

If we all choose to be getaway drivers, we’re just a group of people going on a nice drive.

I’ve finished fewer games of Risk than friendships while playing games of Risk.

Maybe they’re all Fredo. We have a Fredo father with two Fredo sons and a Fredo daughter married to a very Fredo brother.

Everyone calls her Ayn Rand, but nobody points out how she’s just a shitty Nietzsche. I call her Shietzsche.

Trump has 140 characters available each tweet. And yet, he never uses them to demonstrate any character of his own.

Another delay to repealing Obamacare. I’m beginning to think this is less 4-dimensional chess and more 4-square checkers.

“Everyone hates congress but loves their representative.” That’s not inconsistent- we just all hate @tedcruz.

Congress trying to undo Dodd-Franks is why millennials can’t have avocado toast.

When I lived in Canada, people wore the equivalent of a polar bear to stay warm. Girls who wanted attention only wore a penguin. It was sexy

Pfft. I’ve been to New Zealand. We’ll never domesticate Kiwis.

JFK is 100 today, but he doesn’t look a day over 46 1

My best friend thinks it’s funny to FaceTime me while driving. I just get annoyed at how reckless he is with his mobile data.

“This is great in some ways, terrible in others, and… I’ve run out of things to say.” Sometimes, the Compliment Sandwich is open-faced.

“[An assignment] is never finished, only abandoned.” –Paul Valéry as a student Yeah, but some are abandoned a bit early..

*walking in the hot sun* I need a Segue… which brings me to the topic of puns.