Honest question: if Trump wasn’t rich or well known, who would sit next to him on a bus?

Tomorrow is Groundhog Day. Can we just skip it? I don’t want to take any chances.

At the Gym: doing reps while calling my Reps. Exercising my rights while exercising my tris.

Donald Trump deleted the judiciary from the White House website “Three branches good, two branches bet-ter!”

True, true.

Our Dear Leader’s brave leadership and wonderousness makes all other happy events seem like a thousand anvils to the groin in comparison.

The #WomensMarch pictures are all of the same woman just from several different angles.

I, for one, welcome our Orange Overlord. His inauguration audience was 10 BILLION+. Biggest in all of the Multiverse. Huge.

The first constitutional convention was all white landowning men. The next one should be only poor, POC women Just for balance #WomensMarch

My cocktail for the inauguration will be lemonade and vodka.

Using the microwave in a 7-11 in Japan and it won’t turn off. “Why did you hit the cancer button?” “Why would you have a cancer button??”

In Brewster’s Millions, an eccentric rich maniac runs for political office as a joke and somehow starts to win. Ha ha, the ‘80s were silly.

Primary cause of death for men: heart disease. Primary cause of death for women: men. Does this imply that heart disease saves women?

1: You think you’re smarter than everyone, but you’re not! 2: Yeah, I know: I didn’t think you’d notice.

It’s hard to meet someone halfway when they keep moving the goalposts.

“The Force has a strong influence on the weak minded.” -Alec Guiness, mocking #StarWars fans in 1977

I try to give love every day. As a result, I am left with only hatred.

Why does it have to be an arms race? Why not another Space Race, a carbon-cutting race, or even just, like, a race to the big tree and back?