Stuck at JFK. I hate JFK now. I’m glad they shot him.

The Terminal is a 2004 RomCom in which Tom Hanks must live in JFK. Having just spent six hours here, I bet it’s a torture flick.

I’m glad the TSA is finally relaxing air travel rules. You’re now allowed to keep one shoe on, but you’re not allowed to choose which.

Pepé Le Pew cartoons are basically stories of the most charming date rapist.

It’s the Summer Solstice. Which means… Winter is Coming.

Every celebrity page on Wikipedia should have a “Rock Bottom” section. Everybody would scroll to it right away.

Digging #AbGradCon, but I strongly suspect that this building was designed with neither form nor function in mind.

I don’t teach my students Leibniz’s Law. Instead, I teach them an identical law that is indiscernible in every respect.

Everyone here is vacantly staring into their smartphones. But I’m an optimist. I like to think they’re being very clever on the Internet.

I really wanted to include two arguments, but I only have space for one. #nerdworldproblems

We have a real Oedipus thing with Mother Nature.

New pope! Please let his name be Pope Popey the first. There have been 21 popes named John. If we hurry through them, we could all live to see Pope John XXX. … or at least the movie. At least…

GF: “I have to work 48 hours this week!” Me: “What are you complaining about? I work 48 hours every week! … wait, I meant 4 TO 8 hours.”

When I was younger, I wanted to be a hand model. Then I lost my figure.

No, I don’t know the Potter Stewart dictum. But I’m sure I’ll know it when I see it.

Pro Tip: Never check the Internet when you are happy or being productive. There is no such thing as a productive day of responding to emails

I just realized: Benedict XVI gave up being pope for Lent.

Why is the dissertation format designed to make readers hate authors?