The biggest correlate with weight is the lifestyle of your social circle. I’m back up to 190. Time to convince my friends to go on diets.

Looks like you brought a spork to a food fight!

Good advice: Don’t go to sleep angry. Okay advice: Don’t go to sleep sad. Bad advice: Don’t go to sleep tired.

I’d rather punch a polar bear than finish this paper. Not because I hate this paper, but because I really, really like punching polar bears.

Holy crap, this may just be me reading into it and not getting some stupid programming joke, but I think today’s XKCD is about Systematics.

Pro tip: you get across town quicker by following some service vehicles but not others. Fire trucks are good, mail trucks are bad.

You know you have problems when you start referring to orange juice as a “weak screwdriver.”

I want to see a movie about the Titanic from the iceberg’s point of view.

I’m having so much fun with my new prejudice against lefties, I just hope it doesn’t come back to bite me like that time I hated gingers.

It’s been proven that lefties are less moral than normal people, but they’re also apparently less intelligent and nice. #lefthandedracism

I was too cool for school, so they left me out in the cold. #mixedmetaphors

Lefties? Sinister-Americans? #yeahbutwhatdoicallthem #lefthandedracism

Leftoriums are a good start, but I won’t be happy until they have their own supermarkets, coffee shops, and restaurants. #lefthandedracism

Quick! Someone give me the joke or logical structure of the following: “P is true.” “No it isn’t.” “Okay, so P isn’t true.”

I played John Cage’s “4?33?” backward and heard a satanic message.

Mike: “Have you ever been in an open relationship?” Me: “No… I mean, at least not that I was aware of at the time.”

Religion came up four times yesterday. This is more than July thru November. What the F, holiday parties? What the F?

What I feel when I read @pippki’s pen blog can be called pen’s envy.