Wow. Now this I have to steal. I mean, my friends and I also ball bust, but never via e-mail. I love the avant-gardeness of the idea. I think I’ll try it. Frank, Remember that time I found out that…

Hm.. First my pop’s job goes to Mexico. So he follows. Then that job goes to China, so he finds another one. Then, two of my uncles in Mexico lose their high-paying, high-tech jobs. They both start up their own…

So my friend is an Eagle Scout now. Wow. Who cares? Apparently everyone in boy scouts. I didn’t even know what an Eagle Scout was until the ceremony today. I’d been a boy scout for all of forty-five minutes back…

I went to the dentist today. Twenty minutes of consultation (which included a seven minute video) and I had to pay $70 out of pocket. Then, when I asked them the estimate for getting my wisdom teeth out, they said…

I have a problem… I’m secretly very shy. I keep it hidden by talking louder, longer, and oftener than everyone else. I’m so ashamed… – Πιξ

I was going to talk about how ironic it is that on July 4th we all light fireworks. Does it strike nobody else as silly that on the day we celebrate our autonomy, patriotism, and independence, we light fireworks that…

All zombie movies have been done. Give it up. There’s nothing new. The same (though to a lesser extent) goes for vampires. Mummies have always been stupid and the more you defecate on Shelley’s Frankenstein, the less power he has.…

If you’re feeling particularly blasphemous, go here. It’s objectively enjoyable. If, on the other hand, you’re accusing me of being a ‘disgusting fuck,’ go here. And that’s the last I’ll mention that episode. For hope for the human race, click…

Top terms visitors used to find your page in a search harry potter pixel 21.01% did benjamin franklin have a pet squirrel 16.41% nelly furtado – i wanna get off one time/and not apologize 13.84% oi vey definition 13.83% harry…

I don’t know if I ever really believed in the Tooth Fairy. I know I would get cold hard cash (about $1.12… adjusting for inflation) for every tooth I lost. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t think it was really…

Going to the Vans Warped Tour: +5 scene points Buying ticket ahead of time: -1 scene point Getting there on time to late: +1 scene point Running like a pansy to the arena: -2 scene points Running into friends at…

This nation has an unnatural underdog fixation. Everywhere and everyone is being ‘persecuted’ for something. I think it borders on paranoia, quite frankly. I mean, surely Some group is at the top? Religion, scientists, republicans, democrats, environmentalists, short-sighted ignorami, business,…

To show just how terrible Reagan was, I’m going to make a list of the top 10 presidents. In order. Here we go: Franklin Delano Roosevelt (Dem.) George Washington (Ind.) Abraham Lincoln (Rep.) Lyndon Baines Johnson (Dem.) James Madison (Dem-Rep.)…

My number one choice for the Greatest Americans ever, patterned on the Discovery Channel list. Their top pick was Ronald Reagan (seriously!). Ha ha. Americans are kooky-ass bastards.My top three list would include Jefferson and Washington (props to those who…

On Rock & Roll: “Madonna Dahmer?! Are you nuts? He’s Totally Twisted, Jason! That concert is no place for any Christian to be!” On Pornography: “1: Has your dad really been in jail? 2: Just overnight… He got picked up…

My top 5 list of the Greatest Americans ever, patterned on the Discovery Channel list. Their top five only sucked in that it had Ronald Reagan earning a spot (WTF??). Here’s my list: Benjamin Franklin Thomas Jefferson* Abraham Lincoln Franklin…

Pfft. Humans. I hope the oil crash kills all the people that weren’t done in by Mad Cow, cell phone radiation, pollution, the government, and AIDS. Is that wrong of me? I mean, I’ve been driving a hybrid car since…