I’m going to start linking to all of them soon. Next time, probably. You were funner when your life was terrible. You’re loud and overbearing. That said, I somehow have the desire to hang out with you. Weird. Sorry to…
In observation of this very solemn and special occasion, I will not post anything today. I will also not get any older. Sorry. I know we’d had this scheduled for a year, but I just don’t feel like it. Next…
Even more! You talk loud and talk a lot, but I still think you’re cool, so we’ll call it quits. Ever meet one of those people that you find really cool, but not cool in exactly the right way to…
There’s more! You are one of my favorite people of all time. I love you, man. You’ve grown on me like a fungus. The metaphor is actually very expendable, but I’ll do you a favor and keep it short. You…
If I didn’t have to see people every day, I wouldn’t shave. – Frank Jagear Would you? Suppose you were caught in a deserted island, would you shave then? Assume you have access to a razor, running water, heat, and…
So I recently did a post where I confessed my true feelings to a bunch of hypothetical people. I had a lot of fun with it, but it turns out it was all a big joke. *sigh* So then, I…
So, the anonymity of it all got to me. What I meant to say, in order: I didn’t mean you only looked stupid when you wear that hat. The hat was a needless qualifier, those were two separate thoughts. ‘You…
(gakked from Clarity Sage) You look stupid when you wear that hat. You have a banana in your ear. I wish I had told you that you looked stupid in that hat and had a banana in your ear when…
I started this post a year ago, then lost interest after I couldn’t come up with more than five. This is a list of questions to ask someone you don’t know that well, but have to spend some time with. …
From Europe, with love: “The Spire.” What bullshit! I can’t believe Ireland honestly wants us to get excited over an oversized flagpole! As a ratio of population size to length, my penis is a larger monument!1 This “was the winning…
The countdown is on. And you didn’t get me anything last year.1 So here’s a good list of stuff I really want that I don’t currently have. A metal Pica pole ruler. Like this one. Any of these books. I…
This is what I’ve been doing for the past three months. It started when I uploaded a cartoon of myself as my profile picture on Facebook and instantly got a lot of requests for similar images. This guy, who I…
This is what I’ve been doing over the past week. It was a favor for a friend. She wanted me to charge her, but the moment my internal anger clock passed $100, I decided it would be better for our…
Everyone gets the flu. Influenza sucks and then you get over it. Or you don’t. Lots of people die of it every year. So why the panic? Well the obvious reasons are that it’s a new strain for which we…
I thought I’d invented this word. Oh, well. Have you ever been writing an answer on a test and you’re fairly certain it’s wrong, but you write it anyway because the alternative answer sounds even more wrong? That happened to…
Current Mood: Sort of worried and feeling like I got shocked in the sack a little bit. Sarah doesn’t really worry me, because she’s in Pennsylvania and she’s been too stressed lately, so the cause is probably just her own…
You should back up your hard drive. Often. Birth control is important. It is immoral to steal someone’s once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. No one wants to hear knock-knock jokes or limericks at a eulogy. Baldness is hereditary. It is inadvisable to have…
I have a lot of family in old Mexico. They greet each other (and strangers!) with kisses on the cheek. They are very nice people. Mexico warns no kissing as 81 dead in swine flu outbreak Shit. But most of…