9. I trained my clapping for two years. Now I can do what I call the ‘Sonic Clap,’ which deafens all children and puppies in the area… and not clap in any other way.. I have compiled a list of…

8.  I never learned my multiplication tables.  I missed out on the grade that taught them: fourth grade.  *sigh*  I wonder what else I missed by skipping fourth grade. “Hey, lady, how do I know your child isn’t an ADULT…

7. I didn’t go to a “good college” after high school because my parents begged, threatened, and bribed me not to. Apparently, they were having some serious marital difficulties at the time and couldn’t bear the thought of me leaving…

6. My brother lives in Fayetteville, NC. I have no idea what he does for a living. Soon, I will live in Durham, NC. While I don’t really get along with him, I’m nevertheless excited about getting to live near…

4. I was born at 19:41, on 29 May 1985. There’s nothing really special about this day, but I still pause every time I see the clock say 5:29. I have a friend who’s birthday it is today. I feel…

3. If I get good practice, I can solve a standard Rubik’s cube in under 90 seconds. This meme is directed entirely at Ashley. She knows why. These are all official IMDB “Plot Keywords” to movies I like. I am…

A bit after I wrote yesterday’s post, someone else from the past called me. We spoke for 153 minutes,1 which was awesome, because I hadn’t spoken to her in months. She was one of the two girls Gordon and I…

Gordon called me once, a few years after he’d left New Mexico. He said he was in the area and that we should hang out. I agreed, but neither of us took the initiative and nothing ever came of it.…

As promised, our story begins when Gordon and I are friends and we spend much of freshman year together… but first, a word about my first girlfriend.1 Over the summer, I developed a crush on a girl, Crystle, and asked…

Sordon Gpurgeon was an interesting kid. I have vague recollections of him from as early as sixth grade, and am reasonably sure he was in one of my seventh grade classes, but I always knew who he was nonetheless. Gordon…

A long time ago, back when I cried every time someone shattered a beer bottle on my bottom lip, some angry white people came to my house. It was an old redneck and some blond, white kids that were about…

I’m trying to think of something offensive and yet funny, but I can’t seem to get them to mix in the exact formula that has made my blog so famous:1 Ingredients: One part taboo One part unexpected A dash of…

I want to write a sequel to Anne Frank’s The Diary of a Young Girl, but from the German Nazi point of view.

Okay, so not really. It’s actually Casa de Judy1, but she lets me stay here for $650 a month. So it’s really Cuarto de Pixel.2 But at least it has Muebles de Pixel.3 These pics are all taken from the…