I just gained an hour and damn it, I’m going to use it.
I just gained an hour and damn it, I’m going to use it. But first: Law & Order.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XVII of XXVI)
Hm. I see what I did here. We should hang out about 10 percent more often than we currently do. Because right now you seem too cool, but I think 10 percent more saturation ought to do it. I look…
It’s like a good story, only longer.
It’s like a good story, only longer.
Worst Segues Ever
Gakked from Steve: … But enough about your dad dying, have you ever heard of pet rocks? … speaking of things breaking when they’re not supposed to… … speaking of Billy, you know how when you dropped off your child,…
I’m not narcissistic, it just seems that way because nobody talks about me as much as I do.
I’m not narcissistic, it just seems that way because nobody talks about me as much as I do.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XVI of XXVI)
…. well, this is a short post. I know two people who have this letter as the first letter of their name. Neither of them are in my phone book. But who cares, right? ¡Piyo! Te quiero mucho y me…
Okay, be honest, how awesome was “Harry Mazeton y el Principe Mestizo?”
Okay, be honest, how awesome was “Harry Mazeton y el Principe Mestizo?”
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XV of XXVI)
This… this one took a while. Your life makes me sad that people have to live through mistakes before they develop good judgment. It bothers me what became of you. I loved you like a brother and now… now I…
They say you should brush your teeth left-handed if you want to be ambidextrous.
They say you should brush your teeth left-handed if you want to be ambidextrous. They don’t– it turns out– advise shaving left-handed.
Advice is context-relative
Profile 1: A person with a failed marriage, an unwanted child, and many regrets of time wasted and relationships lost. Profile 2: A person in a successful relationship, in a career that gives them time and challenges, facing future obstacles,…
This is in such terrible form.
This is in such terrible form. It must be from Plato’s Hell.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XIV of XXVI)
Damn. Pleased to meet you. (I can’t say this because I don’t know you and haven’t met nor heard of you.) Navigation: pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv, pt. v, pt. vi, pt. vii, pt. viii, pt. ix,…
My Once Best and Worst Case Scenarios
It all started with something my propaganda professor Frank Thayer said a long time ago: Life doesn’t turn out the best-possible way you could imagine. It also doesn’t turn out the worst way. It’s usually something in between. That scared…
I disagree with all who’ve expressed a view on this subject before– including a young me.
I disagree with all who’ve expressed a view on this subject before– including a young me. Luckily, he has changed his position to fit mine
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XIII of XXVI)
Damn. I’m preparing for the storm. The next one will be light, but the one after that will be the biggest yet. *sigh* You’re more down to earth than your partner, and I might like you a bit more if…
It’s hard to find people who find me half as funny as I find myself.
It’s hard to find people who find me half as funny as I find myself. Luckily, it’s easy to find myself.
Feliz Cumpleaños, America.
Feliz Cumpleaños, America. 🙂
How to find Happiness
From a longitudinal study of happiness: At the bottom of the pile are the unhealthiest, or “psychotic,” adaptations—like paranoia, hallucination, or megalomania—which, while they can serve to make reality tolerable for the person employing them, seem crazy to anyone else.…
You know what’s gross? 144.
You know what’s gross? 144.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XII of XXVI)
Man. There are some beautiful people on this list. There’s also a public service. Hm… Not enough hints? Okay: pretty much everyone I still talk to will know someone on this list. Please don’t have a crush on me. I…
How this hour started: ‘I don’t know if you like this movie I love and everybody else hates, but Here, let me put it on for you.
How this hour started: ‘I don’t know if you like this movie I love and everybody else hates, but Here, let me put it on for you.’
Don’t make fun of me! I suffer from a rare affliction that affects one in six billion people.
Don’t make fun of me! I suffer from a rare affliction that affects one in six billion people. I’m surprised you hadn’t heard of it.
Personality Crushes
Have you ever met one of those people that you just can’t get enough of? They may not be the funniest or the smartest or the most charming, but you’re always excited when you see them and always enjoy talking…
The correct answer to “Did you sleep well?” is not “I don’t know, I wasn’t there.
The correct answer to “Did you sleep well?” is not “I don’t know, I wasn’t there.”
Wow, mocking my vegetarianism.
Wow, mocking my vegetarianism. Like I haven’t heard that before. That’s as obvious a joke as making fun of your weight.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. XI of XXVI)
Hm. I’m starting to think I should delete a lot of these people’s numbers if I have such low opinions of them. Actually. This series is pretty much depressing me. You’re quirky and cool, but not as much as you…
My little cousin’s dog just had a litter and she won’t stop playing with them.
My little cousin’s dog just had a litter and she won’t stop playing with them. But there’s no need to worry— it’s just puppy love.
So the King of Pop has died.
So the King of Pop has died. Who was next up for the throne? Prince?
Life’s mysteries- Who gets down on their hands and knees in a public restroom to carve their name onto a toilet seat? And why??
Life’s mysteries- Who gets down on their hands and knees in a public restroom to carve their name onto a toilet seat? And why??
SPAM
The SPAM-bots are out en masse. I’m seriously considering turning off comments. I hate it when other places do that, but…. I seriously have to delete comments every day. So… what do you think?
Holy cow, I’m in a world where Wolverine was good, but Transformers 2 was slightly better.
Holy cow, I’m in a world where Wolverine was good, but Transformers 2 was slightly better. Welcome to 16-year-old Nerdtopia.
Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. X of XXVI)
Nobody will get this unless you happen to know a little too much about this particular person. I love everything about you. I liked you better when you were younger, but I equally enjoy your prank-playing future self. I guess…
Please disregard the previous update.
Please disregard the previous update. Obviously I don’t know how to update from my phone without going over the limi …
I think the solution to whether to continue John and Kate Plus Eight is obvious: parentheses.
I think the solution to whether to continue John and Kate Plus Eight is obvious: parentheses. Change the title to John and (Kate Plus Ei …
I’ve wagered $20 that I’ll read at least two articles everyday for a month.
I’ve wagered $20 that I’ll read at least two articles everyday for a month. Today I read “a” and “the.” Tomorrow I’m screwed.
No news is good news.
No news is good news… unless you’re a newspaper.
I just put myself down as my own emergency contact because if anything happens to me, I want to be the first person to know it.
I just put myself down as my own emergency contact because if anything happens to me, I want to be the first person to know it.
Okay.
Okay. Now that I have the plot of my novel, I need a title. And characters. But the title comes first. Any ideas?
My computer’s fans are so loud you’d think it just won the World series.
My computer’s fans are so loud you’d think it just won the World series.
You know what you never see anymore? Invisibility cloaks.
You know what you never see anymore? Invisibility cloaks.
These directions can’t be right.
These directions can’t be right… They say “go to the north pole, then turn east.”
I always check for monsters before driving after I watch a horror movie, but I never give rodents a chance after watching family movies.
I always check for monsters before driving after I watch a horror movie, but I never give rodents a chance after watching family movies.
Theseus would be a good name for a band.
Theseus would be a good name for a band. . . . Especially if the lineup kept changing.
I didn’t put on pants until 4 p.
I didn’t put on pants until 4 p.m. today. In my defense, though, I honestly thought it was Wednesday.
I always assume every woman is into me and they only talk to me to get me into bed.
I always assume every woman is into me and they only talk to me to get me into bed. This makes family reunions very awkward.